


Echoes in My Heart

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Carl’s dead, Loss, M/M, Memories, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 19:46:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14576298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: Long after Carl’s dead Negan still remembers him like yesterday.





	Echoes in My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> The feels. ❤️ Have I not written enough of these?

My days now swirl together into bittersweet memories. 

We always lost someone new but we had each other, some loses made us cry and lean on one another and some weren't quite as hard. Laying my head on your beating chest I thought maybe one day I would lose you too so I held you tighter.

Because of you I was able to think another way and make peace with the other communities, we all thrived easier on a bartering system and you finally stood up to your dad and told him you were moving to The Sanctuary. Truth is I asked you on a whim, high on love and the minute it came out I knew you would break my heart and say no but then you looked at me with that one piercing eye glowing and I already knew the answer. If I could speak to you one more time I would say thank you for saying yes because the memories I built with you is what keeps me from being the man I once was.

Rick despised me only for a week but when he came to visit he saw you weren't doing patrol but sheltered behind our gates giving out commands. There was no doubt you could make it out there, already proved it but I was selfish, I will never apologize for that even if it wasn’t enough to save you.

Judith is sixteen now wearing your hat, she remembers you, speaks of your last day with her leaving handprints on the porch. Somehow it's still there faded and no longer blue but an ugly gray. I'm not the only one who touches it and wishes it was your hand meeting ours. Maggie, Michonne, Rick, even Aaron still remember you. It would be hard not to with the peace you accomplished in death.

I wanted to hurt Siddiq for what he did and Rick as well but we couldn't, your damn letters screaming into our souls. He's still alive now and married, named a son after you and that made me real fucking angry. I still remember trying to beat him bloody at the revelation but Rick of all people pushed me off, angry tears still upon his face.

I found someone after all this time, a pretty brunette who gives me sass back. She reminds me equally of you and Lucille. Her name is Rebecca and she wants me to be with her. Thirteen years later and it still doesn't feel right, my answer was already known the minute she asked. No. You wouldn't be proud of that, you would tell me to move on but I can't. When I close my eyes sometimes I feel you are right there next to me whispering in my ear, your voice sending a chill that has my hair standing up. It's just me going crazy I know but it's been like that for years and I don’t want it to go away.

It still hurts knowing there's nothing I can do to bring you back even for a day. Hurts me that I can't move on because you wouldn't want that. I'm an old man wishing I had you right by my side, hell you would have left my sorry ass by now if you were here but I want to dream that’s not so.

Rick and Michonne are still together, with you gone they bonded harder. My hearts still ticking strong as can be as if to taunt me I can't go to you. I could still have a life, finally have that child I wanted but when I turn my head I think you're there and the hurt is just as harsh as all those years ago, there's nothing wrong with chasing a ghost as long as it's yours.

So today I yearn for the same thing as every other day, to finish up my day and go to bed to be with you if only in my dreams.


End file.
